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Dave Barry
(3 Jul 1947 - )
American humorist and writer best known for his wacky humor column published by The Miami Herald (1983-2005) and syndicated in 500 other newspapers.
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Science Quotes by Dave Barry (13 quotes)
Although a science fair can seem like a big “pain” it can help you understand important scientific principles, such as Newton’s First Law of Inertia, which states: “A body at rest will remain at rest until 8:45 p.m. the night before the science fair project is due, at which point the body will come rushing to the body’s parents, who are already in their pajamas, and shout, “I JUST REMEMBERED THE SCIENCE FAIR IS TOMORROW AND WE GOTTA GO TO THE STORE RIGHT NOW!”
— Dave Barry
'Science: It’s Just Not Fair', Miami Herald (22 Mar 1998)
At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
•The universe is even bigger than they thought!
•There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
•Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
•The universe is even bigger than they thought!
•There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
•Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
— Dave Barry
From newspaper column '25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years' (Oct 1998), collected in Dave Barry Turns Fifty (2010), 183.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
— Dave Barry
In The Taming of the Screw: How to Sidestep Several Million Homeowner's Problems (1983), 12.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
— Dave Barry
Syndicated column, 'Problems Of Utmost Gravity', seen, for example, in the Chicago Tribune (15 Mar 1998).
If there really is God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
— Dave Barry
From newspaper column '25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years' (Oct 1998), collected in Dave Barry Turns Fifty (2010), 185.
Magnetism, you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
— Dave Barry
In Peter Archer, The Quotable Intellectual: 1,417 Bon Mots, Ripostes, and Witticisms (2010), 76.
Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricty goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.
— Dave Barry
In The Taming of the Screw: How to Sidestep Several Million Homeowner’s Problems (1983), 12.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
— Dave Barry
Found widely on the web, but probably originally from a (?) Miami Herald column. Please contact Webmaster if you can confirm a date.
People in the computer industry use the term ‘user,’ which to them means ‘idiot.’.
— Dave Barry
…...
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
— Dave Barry
From newspaper column '25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years' (Oct 1998), collected in Dave Barry Turns Fifty (2010), 182.
The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
— Dave Barry
'Science: It’s just not fair', Miami Herald (22 Mar 1998)
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
— Dave Barry
In Geoff Tibballs, The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners (2004), 502.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe “Daylight Saving Time.”
— Dave Barry
From newspaper column '25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years' (Oct 1998), collected in Dave Barry Turns Fifty (2010), 181.
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
(1987) -- 
