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Will Cuppy
(23 Aug 1884 - 19 Sep 1949)
American humorist and literary critic whose writings include witty, mock-scientific observations on the natural world and satires on the human race. Among other books, he wrote How to Become Extinct (1941).
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Science Quotes by Will Cuppy (11 quotes)
[Alexander the Great] was often extremely brutal to his captives, whom he sold into slavery, tortured to death, or forced to learn Greek.
— Will Cuppy
In The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody (1950), 42, footnote.
All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.
— Will Cuppy
The Great Bustard and Other People (1944), 30.
Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.
— Will Cuppy
How to Get from January to December (1951), 131.
Egypt has been called the Gift of the Nile. Once every year the river overflows its banks, depositing a layer of rich alluvial soil on the parched ground. Then it recedes and soon the whole countryside, as far as the eye can reach, is covered with Egyptologists.
— Will Cuppy
In 'Cheops, or Khufu', The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody (1950), 7.
Frogs will eat red-flannel worms fed to them by biologists; this proves a great deal about both parties concerned.
— Will Cuppy
Quoted in Joseph Wood Krutch, The Best of Two Worlds (1953), 105.
He [a student] liked to look at the … remains of queer animals: funny little skulls and bones and disjointed skeletons of strange monsters that must have been remarkable when they were alive … [he] wondered if the long one with the flat, triangular head used to crawl, or hop, or what.
— Will Cuppy
In 'The Great Paste-pot Handicap' Maroon Tales: University of Chicago Stories (1910), 289. Note: the fictional student is in the University of Chicago’s Walker Museum.
Hieroglyphics, or picture writing, consisted of owls, canaries, garter snakes, and the insides of alarm clocks.
— Will Cuppy
In The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody (1950), 8.
It is because of his brain that [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.
— Will Cuppy
The Great Bustard and Other People (1944), 30.
The Chameleon’s face reminded Aristotle of a Baboon. Aristotle wasn’t much of a looker himself.
— Will Cuppy
How to Become Extinct (1941), 120.
The dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for. … I’m not blaming the Dodo but he was a mess. He had an ugly face with a large hooked beak, a tail in the wrong place, wings too small … and a very prominent stomach.
— Will Cuppy
In 'The Dodo', How to Become Extinct (1941), 163.
The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth… If you ever buy any land, be sure it has plenty of Earthworms toiling and moiling all day so that you can sit down and relax. (1949)
— Will Cuppy
How to Attract the Wombat (2002), 165
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
(1987) -- 
