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Woody Allen
(1 Dec 1935 - )
American humorist and film director who began as a staff writer for National Broadcasting Corp (NBC), and subsequently gained fame as a comedian, actor, director, and writer for films, stage and television.
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Science Quotes by Woody Allen (15 quotes)
[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
— Woody Allen
Spoken by character Isaac Davis (played by Woody Allen) in the movie, Manhattan (1979). Quoted in Eighteen Woody Allen Films Analyzed (2000), 63. Woody Allen directed the movie, which he co-wrote with Marshall Brickman.
Can we actually “know” the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
— Woody Allen
In Getting Even (1971).
I took a course in speed reading course … and I was able to go through read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia.
— Woody Allen
As quoted in Reader's Digest (Oct 1967), 91, 120.
I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
— Woody Allen
As character Alvy Singer doing a stand-up comedy act to a college audience, in movie Annie Hall (1977). Screenplay by Woody Allen with Marshall Brickman, transcript printed in Four films of Woody Allen (1982), 53.
I was thrown out of NYU in my freshman year … for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
— Woody Allen
As character Alvy Singer doing a stand-up comedy act to a college audience, in movie Annie Hall (1977). Screenplay by Woody Allen with Marshall Brickman, transcript printed in Four films of Woody Allen (1982), 53.
I’m astounded by people who want to “know” the universe when its hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
— Woody Allen
Getting Even. In Lily Splane, Quantum Consciousness (2004),307
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought—particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
— Woody Allen
Side Effects (1981), 36.
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
— Woody Allen
Side Effects (1981), 36.
It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
— Woody Allen
Spoken by the character Kleinman in Death: A Comedy in One Act p. 63 (1975)
Life is hard for insects. And don’t think mice are having any fun either.
— Woody Allen
Without Feathers (1975), 103
Mother: He’s been depressed. All of a sudden, he can’t do anything.
Doctor: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Mother: Tell Dr. Flicker. It’s something he read.
Doctor: Something he read, huh?
Alvy: The universe is expanding.
Doctor: The universe is expanding?
Alvy: Well, the universe is everything, and if it’s expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Mother: What is that your business? He stopped doing his homework.
Alvy: What’s the point?
Doctor: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Mother: Tell Dr. Flicker. It’s something he read.
Doctor: Something he read, huh?
Alvy: The universe is expanding.
Doctor: The universe is expanding?
Alvy: Well, the universe is everything, and if it’s expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Mother: What is that your business? He stopped doing his homework.
Alvy: What’s the point?
— Woody Allen
With co-author Marshall Brickman, Annie Hall (1973).
Science is something we depend on all the time. If I develop a pain in the chest I must take an X-ray. But what if the radiation from the X-ray causes me deeper problems? Before I know it. I’m going in for surgery. Naturally, while they’re giving me oxygen an intern decides to light up a cigarette. The next thing you know I’m rocketing over the World Trade Center in bed clothes. Is this science?
— Woody Allen
In 'My Speech to the Graduates', Side Effects (1986), 82.
Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
— Woody Allen
Getting Even (1978), 44.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind—a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.
— Woody Allen
In Getting Even (1971), 33.
Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.
— Woody Allen
From movie script, Annie Hall, as quoted and cited in The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader (1993), 45.
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
(1987) -- 
