(source)
|
George Carlin
(12 May 1937 - 22 Jun 2008)
American comedian and satirist who has been called the most influential comedian of all time. He began as a radio disc jockey (1956), began performing nightclub acts with newsman Jack Burns (1960-62) then started solo career in 1962, appearing on numerous television shows from that time on.
|
Science Quotes by George Carlin (27 quotes)
A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half you don’t get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn’t that violate some law of physics?
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 273.
A pair of Siamese twins in Australia, surgically separated six months ago, has been sewn back together. Apparently, each of them could remember only half the combination to their locker.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 104.
According to astronomers, next week Wednesday will occur twice. They say such a thing happens only once every 60,000 years and although they don’t know why it occurs, they’re glad they have an extra day to figure it out.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 105.
Believe me, this planet has put up with much worse than us. It’s been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, solar flares, sun-spots, magnetic storms, pole reversals, planetary floods, worldwide fires, tidal waves, wind and water erosion, cosmic rays, ice ages, and hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets, asteroids, and meteors. And people think a few plastic bags and aluminum cans are going to make a difference?
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 97.
Digital clocks … lack the friendly spatial relationships that exist between the hands and the numerals on an analog clock. There’s a psychological component: to me, the first half of any hour, as the minute hand falls from 12 to 6, passes a lot more quickly than the second half, when it has to struggle upward, fighting gravity all the way.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 325.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 170.
Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 105.
Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a two-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 105.
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it’s a spy satellite?
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 103.
I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn’t do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually I think that class was call Religion. Religion was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were taught in all the other classes.
— George Carlin
In autobiography, Brain Droppings (1998), 227.
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I'm thinking of looking into.
— George Carlin
Brain Droppings (1998), 72.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 88.
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself. And, of course, it’s not just true of nature, it’s true of society as well. If you look carefully, you can see that the social structure is just beginning to break down, just beginning to come apart at the seams.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 130.
Kids who aren’t even allowed to have hazardous toys, … Hazardous toys…! Whatever happened to natural selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own. Simple stuff. Nature knows best!
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 56.
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
— George Carlin
Brain Droppings (1998), 72.
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 104.
Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 133.
Thanks to the sharp eyes of a Minnesota man, it is possible that two identical snowflakes may finally have been observed. While out snowmobiling, Oley Skotchgaard noticed a snowflake that looked familiar to him. Searching his memory, he realized it was identical to a snowflake he had seen as a child in Vermont. Weather experts, while excited, caution that the match-up will be difficult to verify.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 105.
The future will soon be a thing of the past.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 337.
The truth is, Pavlov’s dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated.
— George Carlin
Brain Droppings (1998), 187.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
— George Carlin
On recorded album, as character Al Sleet, weatherman, FM & AM: The 11 O'Clock News. Also found in a number of books, without citation, for example, Manoranjan Kumar (ed.), Dictionary of Quotations (2008), 251.
When someone with an artificial heart dies, I think they should take out the heart, hook it up to an artificial body, and let it go at that.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 276.
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 128.
When you look at the average American you realize there’s nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 336-337.
Whenever they say someone got hit by a “stray bullet” I wonder about the choice of words. It seems to me the bullet isn’t stray at all. It’s doing exactly what physics predicts: traveling in a straight line. What’s so stray about that?
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2001), 323.
Why don't they have a light bulb that only shines on things worth looking at?
— George Carlin
In Napalm and Silly Putty (2002), 103.
You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. … It’s irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space.
— George Carlin
Brain Droppings (1998), 128.
See also:
- George Carlin - context of quote “Electricity” - Medium image (500 x 250 px)
- George Carlin - context of quote “Electricity” - Large image (800 x 400 px)
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
(1987) -- 
