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Home > Dictionary of Science Quotations > Scientist Names Index A > Scott Adams Quotes

Scott Adams
(8 Jun 1957 - )

American cartoonist and writer known for creating the Dilbert comic strip.

Science Quotes by Scott Adams (22 quotes)

Boss: Dilbert, You have been chosen to design the world’s safest nuclear power plant.
Dilbert: This is the great assignment that any engineer could hope for. I'm flattered by the trust you have in me.
Boss: By “safe” I mean “not near my house.”
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (18 Feb 2002).
Science quotes on:  |  Assignment (10)  |  Choice (50)  |  Design (69)  |  Engineer (57)  |  Flattery (4)  |  Hope (74)  |  House (27)  |  Nuclear Power (8)  |  Safety (31)  |  Trust (27)

Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
Dilbert (thought): A little knowledge can be a ridiculous thing.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (10 Sep 1992).
Science quotes on:  |  Faster (7)  |  Knowledge (928)  |  Light (178)  |  Lip (3)  |  Ridiculous (8)  |  Shout (5)  |  Sound (38)  |  Travel (22)  |  Wonder (96)  |  Word (154)

Dilbert: And we know mass creates gravity because more dense planets have more gravity.
Dogbert: How do we know which planets are more dense?
Dilbert:They have more gravity.
Dogbert: That's circular reasoning.
Dilbert: I prefer to think of it as having no loose ends.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert cartoon strip (1 Mar 1999).
Science quotes on:  |  Density (10)  |  Gravity (73)  |  Loose End (3)  |  Mass (42)  |  Planet (123)

Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method.
Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called “time” and “cause and effect” exist.
Dilbert: That’s what I was taught and that’s what I believe.
Dogbert: Sounds cultish.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (8 Feb 1992).
Science quotes on:  |  Belief (234)  |  Cause And Effect (5)  |  Conclusion (95)  |  Evolution (408)  |  Existence (188)  |  Irrational (4)  |  Logic (161)  |  Perception (32)  |  Reality (91)  |  Science (1194)  |  Scientific Method (126)  |  Teaching (90)  |  Time (279)  |  Truth (591)

Dilbert: It took weeks but I’ve calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn’t start with a “Big Bang” at all—it was more of “Phhbwt” sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the “Little Phhbwt” theory.
Dogbert: I was wondering when you’ll go away.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (1 Jan 1993)
Science quotes on:  |  Application (92)  |  Big Bang (31)  |  Calculation (57)  |  New (197)  |  Origin Of The Universe (13)  |  Practicality (5)  |  Sound (38)  |  Start (43)  |  Theory (469)  |  Week (3)  |  Wonder (96)

Dilbert: Maybe I’m unlucky in love because I’m so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people. Their intimidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos.
Dogbert: Occam’s Razor.
Dilbert: What is “Occam's Razor”?
Dogbert: A guy named Occam had a rule about the world. Basically he said that when there are multiple explanations for something the simplest explanation is usually correct. The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you’re immensely unattractive.
Dilbert: Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot.
Dogbert: Occam’s Razor.
Dilbert: I’m an idiot.
Dogbert: I don’t think we can rule it out at this point.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (11 Jul 1993).
Science quotes on:  |  Correct (28)  |  Ego (9)  |  Exemption (2)  |  Explanation (133)  |  Forgetfulness (5)  |  Idiot (11)  |  Intimidation (3)  |  Knowledge (928)  |  Love (97)  |  Luck (24)  |  Multiple (8)  |  Note (15)  |  Occam’s Razor (2)  |  Protection (17)  |  Rejection (20)  |  Rule (86)  |  Science (1194)  |  Simplicity (113)  |  Situation (23)

Dilbert: Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals
Dogbert: This raises some thorny issues.
Dilbert: You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?
Dogbert: I was thinking about parking spaces.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (31 May 1989).
Science quotes on:  |  Chemical (54)  |  Common (63)  |  Computer (65)  |  Creation (177)  |  Ethics (24)  |  Household (5)  |  Issue (18)  |  Life (642)  |  Life-Form (4)  |  New (197)  |  Possibility (83)  |  Religion (140)  |  Science And Religion (213)  |  Simulation (5)  |  Thinking (210)

Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't.
Dogbert: A lot of spare time?
Dilbert: Exactly.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert cartoon strip (8 Aug 1991).
Science quotes on:  |  Impossibility (46)  |  Invention (239)  |  Machine (89)  |  Obsession (8)  |  Perpetual Motion (7)  |  Scientist (332)  |  Spare Time (3)  |  Thinking (210)

Dilbert: You joined the “Flat Earth Society?”
Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called “round earth theory.”
Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree.
Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (9 Oct 1989).
Science quotes on:  |  Belief (234)  |  Christopher Columbus (12)  |  Convenience (20)  |  Death (227)  |  Disagreement (10)  |  Earth (356)  |  Evidence (116)  |  Flat (7)  |  Flat Earth (2)  |  Join (5)  |  Support (38)  |  Theory (469)  |  Witness (12)

Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye.
Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (30 Aug 2002).
Science quotes on:  |  Advantage (30)  |  Dinosaur (21)  |  Evolution (408)  |  Eye (110)  |  Fitness (6)  |  Natural Selection (62)  |  Nature (721)  |  Survival Of The Fittest (31)

Dogbert (advice to Boss): Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert cartoon strip (30 Oct 2007).
Science quotes on:  |  Article (11)  |  Casting (3)  |  Consultation (2)  |  Credibility (4)  |  Data (78)  |  Death (227)  |  Doubt (85)  |  Earth (356)  |  Environment (109)  |  Food (108)  |  Harm (24)  |  Hope (74)  |  Kind (47)  |  Product (48)  |  Recommendation (8)  |  Scientist (332)  |  Writing (71)  |  Wrong (73)

Dogbert (gazing at night sky) No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there.
Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth.
DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception.
DilbertIt's the miracle of science.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (21 Nov 1990).
Science quotes on:  |  Bad (42)  |  Burning (17)  |  Comfortable (3)  |  Day (34)  |  Earth (356)  |  Light (178)  |  Matter (195)  |  Miracle (37)  |  Misconception (2)  |  Reach (36)  |  Science (1194)  |  Shattering (2)  |  Star (186)

Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf.
Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene?
Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (28 Oct 1989).
Science quotes on:  |  Discovery (496)  |  Gene (59)  |  Golf (2)  |  Lie (31)  |  Love (97)  |  Make (21)  |  People (90)  |  Scientist (332)  |  Tell (21)

Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round.
Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut.
Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians.
Dilbert: Yes... no, wait...
— Scott Adams
Dilbert comic strip (10 Oct 1989).
Science quotes on:  |  Astronaut (16)  |  Christopher Columbus (12)  |  Death (227)  |  Dependence (28)  |  Earth (356)  |  Evidence (116)  |  Flat Earth (2)  |  John Glenn, Jr. (29)  |  Honesty (13)  |  Orbit (44)  |  Politician (18)  |  Round (8)  |  Theory (469)

Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries.
Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert cartoon strip (30 Apr 1993).
Science quotes on:  |  Asteroid (7)  |  Click (4)  |  Coincidence (9)  |  Destruction (68)  |  Device (18)  |  Earth (356)  |  Idiot (11)  |  News (9)  |  Proof (164)  |  Researcher (10)  |  Science (1194)  |  Screen (5)  |  Simplicity (113)  |  Subject (90)  |  Television (18)  |  Tonight (2)

Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.
Scientist (thinking): Macaroni and cheese causes paranoia.
— Scott Adams
Dilbert cartoon strip (24 Jul 1990).
Science quotes on:  |  Cheese (6)  |  Experiment (473)  |  Food (108)  |  Host (5)  |  Paranoia (2)  |  Sinister (7)  |  Thinking (210)

Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no “why&rdqo; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns.
— Scott Adams
In God's Debris: A Thought Experiment (2004), 22.
Science quotes on:  |  Accumulation (23)  |  Building (49)  |  Computer (65)  |  Constant (24)  |  Dog (32)  |  Electricity (102)  |  Example (35)  |  Forever (16)  |  Happening (29)  |  Invention (239)  |  Knowledge (928)  |  Learning (166)  |  Light (178)  |  Need (106)  |  Observation (352)  |  Record (37)  |  Rocket (22)  |  Ship (30)  |  Simplicity (113)  |  Speed (19)  |  Travel (22)  |  Understanding (301)  |  Why (6)

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
— Scott Adams
Spoken by the character Dogbert in Dilbert comic strip (26 Jul 2003).
Science quotes on:  |  Customer (5)  |  Dollar (13)  |  Meson (2)  |  Name (88)  |  Particle (62)  |  Quark (6)  |  Satisfaction (42)  |  Subatomic (6)

Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
— Scott Adams
From Dilbert comic strip (10 Mar 2005).
Science quotes on:  |  Alike (7)  |  Fifty (8)  |  Great (127)  |  Invention (239)  |  Mind (372)  |  Patent Office (3)  |  Thinking (210)

Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. … Words such as dimension and field and infinity … are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
— Scott Adams
In God’s Debris: A Thought Experiment (2004), 20-21.
Science quotes on:  |  Acceptance (38)  |  Convenience (20)  |  Description (55)  |  Dimension (14)  |  Everyone (10)  |  Field (95)  |  Fill (17)  |  Hole (9)  |  Infinity (50)  |  Invention (239)  |  Meaning (76)  |  Nomenclature (124)  |  Reality (91)  |  Sure (13)  |  Understanding (301)  |  Word (154)

Simple molecules combine to make powerful chemicals. Simple cells combine to make powerful life-forms. Simple electronics combine to make powerful computers. Logically, all things are created by a combination of simpler, less capable components. Therefore, a supreme being must be in our future, not our origin. What if “God” is the consciousness that will be created when enough of us are connected by the Internet?!!
— Scott Adams
Thoughts by character Dogbert in Dilbert cartoon strip (11 Feb 1996).
Science quotes on:  |  Capability (33)  |  Cell (107)  |  Chemical (54)  |  Combination (57)  |  Component (9)  |  Computer (65)  |  Connection (61)  |  Consciousness (45)  |  Creation (177)  |  Electronics (8)  |  Future (156)  |  God (288)  |  Internet (8)  |  Life (642)  |  Life-Form (4)  |  Logic (161)  |  Molecule (101)  |  Origin (53)  |  Power (173)  |  Science And Religion (213)  |  Simplicity (113)  |  Supreme Being (2)

[S]ome physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words—just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.
— Scott Adams
In God's Debris: A Thought Experiment (2004), 20-21.
Science quotes on:  |  Abstract (27)  |  Curl (3)  |  Dimension (14)  |  Equation (59)  |  Gravity (73)  |  Physicist (95)  |  Real (52)  |  Reference (15)  |  Ten (3)  |  Term (56)  |  Word (154)


Carl Sagan Thumbnail In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. (1987) -- Carl Sagan
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